1,000 A.D. The Viking Norsemen that would beget the bulk of my Scandinavian heritage establish a patrilineal system of naming, in which everyone’s kid is named after their dad. North America is discovered by Leif Erickson, son of Eric Thorvaldsson, son of some guy named Thorvald, known only to history for committing murder and, being literally one of the world’s first white people, punished by being politely asked to leave Norway.
Enduring several harsh winters in a desolate region short of food, lumber or resources, Erickson would handle the crisis by calling the area “Greenland” in order to trick people to move there, thus securing his place as the first asshole in recorded history.
Final Fantasy VII is one of the best and most memorable video games ever. It’s about a former soldier who is lost in his own world trying to piece together a future he didn’t mean to be a part of, while leading a weird band of powerful but conflicted characters. The main story is that wealthy scientists discover an alien artifact, and use it to create a new artificial life form, which immediately goes crazy, and decides to “save” the world by killing humanity with a giant meteor. He also calls everyone puppets. A nice but underdeveloped female character is impaled by the bad guy as she is trying to perform a procedure to create the one thing that can defeat him. Later, they all get on their airship to go find magical colored rocks. I am worried that cosplay from this thing will annoy me for ten years.