On the Elite with Four Feet

As a lifelong Batman fan, I’ve always hated whenever they try to write some kind of alternate universe or evil twin plotline in an attempt to get really deep by asking “okay, what if Batman was a bad guy?”

Batman’s rich. We know what bad rich people do.

Wealth truly is one of the most powerful weapons on earth and to see someone use that weapon, often literally, to abuse and torment the weakest among us fills us with contempt. But even more infuriating than an evil billionaire is an apathetic one. The cruelest thing an evil Batman could do is not be Batman.

Greed and domination I can understand, but to know billions of people are starving, suffering, and begging for help, and use a position of great economic power do absolutely nothing? That is evil. And that is why with all the corrupt CEOs, sadistic entrepreneurs, and yes, even the monster currently sitting in the White House, to me the most prominent example of the obscenity of apathetic wealth is Gunther IV of Germany.

Gunther IV lives in a state of nearly offensive luxury. He wants for nothing, greeting each morning from one of his several mansions–he owns properties in Italy, the Bahamas, and even a Palm Beach mansion he bought from Madonna. A staff of well-toned, young women tend to his needs, from feeding him to twice-daily baths, all while the executives of his corporation handle the day to day work of expanding his financial empire. Despite his vast fortune, Gunther IV has no charitable giving to his name, no institutions adorning his title, no exploits to boast in the marbled halls of his stately palaces. Ignorant to the realities of the outside world, his primary activity is merely to waste the day away lying by his Olympic sized swimming pool, licking his own balls.

Gunther IV, the world's richest dog. Maybe.
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