I Got Nothin’: 2014

Hi folks.

I think I’m supposed to write another thing. Seems like it’s about time to do that. I wrote all those other things before. I think a lot of them were pretty good. I’m supposed to top that now.

That’s very ambitious.

Yeah, I got nothing.

I mean, here we are, it’s the end of the year, and I guess I’m… what, supposed to do something profound? Nope. Nothing.

I had something but… I mean it wasn’t very good. I didn’t think I should post it.

Wow. Man, I feel really guilty about this. I mean let’s put aside how awkward this is and just deal with the total disrespect I am showing you, the readers right now. I mean my year’s been great so far. Couple of good months of funny stuff, if I say so myself. Apparently that wasn’t enough of an accomplishment though so I have to come up with something else and so here we are.


No but really, thanks. You’ve been great this year. I mean, right now? This isn’t great. That’s on me. If it’s any consolation I think the rest of the website is going great. And it was still a pretty good year. Not perfect. I mean we all have our problems.

I’m mad I missed Kevin’s birthday-slash-make-your-own-poutine party. I mean granted I had an early flight to go see my family that I, you know, love and all that but come on. It’s the little things like that, you know? Okay, like, I funded this Kickstarter for artisanal charred oak whiskey flavoring devices, and I just assumed the reward for a “holiday pack of three” would mean three individually wrapped sets of them but instead it all came in one big bag so how am I going to divvy those up to my brothers as stocking stuffers? Had to get out ribbon and paper and do all that myself.

Oh and at my office? We had one of those white elephant Christmas gift exchanges last week, and I grabbed something at the gift table at Barnes and Noble for about twenty bucks—the recommended maximum gift value, mind you—and I ended up with one of those sets of car antlers. And I know you don’t spend twenty bucks on those. If you weren’t re-gifting to begin with. So that’s a kick in the junk. Not bitter though.

I suppose that Boko Haram thing was pretty crappy too.

You know, the guys that kidnapped all those girls? I don’t think they got rescued, did they? I everyone just cared about it for like, a week and then got really bored and forgot about oh my god and The Colbert Report ended! How much does that suck?

But yeah, overall, good year. I mean this website is great. No regrets there. I mean this thing I’m doing now, that’s weird. But I did those other things and they went over really well I feel.

So, feelin’ good.

I think that’s it for the year.

I should have done that Ice Bucket thing.

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