15-Year-Old August Reviews Avengers: Age of Ultron

Final Fantasy VII is one of the best and most memorable video games ever. It’s about a former soldier who is lost in his own world trying to piece together a future he didn’t mean to be a part of, while leading a weird band of powerful but conflicted characters. The main story is that wealthy scientists discover an alien artifact, and use it to create a new artificial life form, which immediately goes crazy, and decides to “save” the world by killing humanity with a giant meteor. He also calls everyone puppets. A nice but underdeveloped female character is impaled by the bad guy as she is trying to perform a procedure to create the one thing that can defeat him.  Later, they all get on their airship to go find magical colored rocks. I am worried that cosplay from this thing will annoy me for ten years.

I Got Nothin’: 2014

Hi folks.

I think I’m supposed to write another thing. Seems like it’s about time to do that. I wrote all those other things before. I think a lot of them were pretty good. I’m supposed to top that now.

That’s very ambitious.

Yeah, I got nothing.

I mean, here we are, it’s the end of the year, and I guess I’m… what, supposed to do something profound? Nope. Nothing.

I had something but… I mean it wasn’t very good. I didn’t think I should post it.

Wow. Man, I feel really guilty about this. I mean let’s put aside how awkward this is and just deal with the total disrespect I am showing you, the readers right now. I mean my year’s been great so far. Couple of good months of funny stuff, if I say so myself. Apparently that wasn’t enough of an accomplishment though so I have to come up with something else and so here we are.


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I propose a new business venture called BandanaCorgi. With one phone call, you can have a corgi wearing a bandana delivered to you. I don’t think this needs any further explanation.

That’s right. Welcome to the future. You can get that corgi. It will be wearing that bandana. You may have thought that at some point you needed something other than a corgi wearing a bandana, but you didn’t. Now it’s all you want.

I can tell that you’re a conscious consumer, who is wondering what the logistics of bandana-wearing corgi delivery entails. You are right to think like this. The important thing is, there are corgis, and there are bandanas, and when those two come together, you don’t need to ask any other questions. Seriously, stop asking about the why and how of corgi wearing bandana delivery. You’re going to ruin this.

This is a serious proposal with serious growth potential. We’re talking exponential growth here. There are lots of corgis. And I know there are a lot of bandanas. I have seem, personally, both red and blue bandanas. Combine that with the existence of yellow, brown, light brown, and white corgis, and you are talking about a serious number of corgi and bandana combinations. More than seven, but we can’t make any promises beyond that. For now.

Yes, for now. Does that entice you? You are a wise customer. You about the best things in life. Yeah. That’s right. Premium corgis. The ones that are really pleasant to see wearing bandanas. The happiest corgis. The dapperest bandanas. You are getting your money’s worth. The corgi is getting its bandana’s worth. The bandana is getting worn by a corgi. Everyone’s happy, and you’re helping the environment while it happens.

BandanaCorgi. We’re here to deliver you corgis wearing bandanas. Please donate to our Kickstarter today.